i just want to be real.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Venting...
Ok so I always knew i wasn't perfect, nobody is.
I have many flaws, imperfections etc... the list goes on.
But anyways I'm jus realizing who I am.
I know real late in life, but better now than later.
I AM ME. people can think what they want and how they want.
But I know me, and my TRUES know me....they know who they are too btw =]
I want to change.not the person i am.but the person i am physically.
GOSH i'm a effin fat mess. lolbut hey at least i can laugh about it.
at least i actually KNOW i need to lose weight.
i need to lose about umteen trillion million pounds.
then and only then will i be happy!
I'm searching for change.
or someone who can bring me change.
i'm not an effin princess and i am NOT NOT NOT looking for prince charming.
i want a REAL guy.with REAL problems REAL emotions and REAL stuggles.
i dont need nor do i desire this fairytale type bull they feed to young girls.
guys my age..most guys my age are immature.
that is EXACTLY why i like older guys.
they know more about life.
their more experienced.
they can hold a conversation without making the word sauce sexual.
I'm no where near innocent and a step away from frustration.
I get attached too easily.
But I can break away like I never knew the person.
I have secrets that few know.
very few...very very very few.
God blessed me with a FANTASTIC mother.
whom i take for granted all the time.
and i regret it.
Unfortunately i have a TERRIBLE HORRIBLE DEADBEAT father.
whom i hate.
and wish i never asked him to come back into my life.
he'll get what he deserves.
God however blessed me with a CARING grandfather.
who has been like father.
more of a father than 'Barry' can ever be.
He gave me, an only child, sisters.
AND I LOVE THEM!
they are my family and i DO NOT care what anyone thinks.
they have been there with me through all my problems.
they know everything about me.
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
i can speak to them like i can speak to no others.
they never judge me.
and they never look at me crooked.
A,B,L I can never lose contact with you guys.
I wanted to let you know that you guys are the world to me.
P&R i feel like this year i have grown extremly close to you guys.
I freakin love you!!!
i can be myself around you guys....my true self
not my im in school let me hide it kinda self.
i have a crazy amount of respect for you two.
You keep me on track =]
And there's so much more i can say that i wouldn't even know where to start writting!
but the 3 of us got the month of January on lock!!
Yeahh this is just my random vent.
because i felt like it =/
haha yeahh i know wtf? right.
i just felt like it, LOVE YOU GUYS MUCHO.
anywayss more notes in the future =]
btw if your not tagged in this note i still LOVE YOU!!
there's a handful more of people i couldve taged
but tagging them would be pointless in this note =]
but if i love you you know it =]
*BonKs
I have many flaws, imperfections etc... the list goes on.
But anyways I'm jus realizing who I am.
I know real late in life, but better now than later.
I AM ME. people can think what they want and how they want.
But I know me, and my TRUES know me....they know who they are too btw =]
I want to change.not the person i am.but the person i am physically.
GOSH i'm a effin fat mess. lolbut hey at least i can laugh about it.
at least i actually KNOW i need to lose weight.
i need to lose about umteen trillion million pounds.
then and only then will i be happy!
I'm searching for change.
or someone who can bring me change.
i'm not an effin princess and i am NOT NOT NOT looking for prince charming.
i want a REAL guy.with REAL problems REAL emotions and REAL stuggles.
i dont need nor do i desire this fairytale type bull they feed to young girls.
guys my age..most guys my age are immature.
that is EXACTLY why i like older guys.
they know more about life.
their more experienced.
they can hold a conversation without making the word sauce sexual.
I'm no where near innocent and a step away from frustration.
I get attached too easily.
But I can break away like I never knew the person.
I have secrets that few know.
very few...very very very few.
God blessed me with a FANTASTIC mother.
whom i take for granted all the time.
and i regret it.
Unfortunately i have a TERRIBLE HORRIBLE DEADBEAT father.
whom i hate.
and wish i never asked him to come back into my life.
he'll get what he deserves.
God however blessed me with a CARING grandfather.
who has been like father.
more of a father than 'Barry' can ever be.
He gave me, an only child, sisters.
AND I LOVE THEM!
they are my family and i DO NOT care what anyone thinks.
they have been there with me through all my problems.
they know everything about me.
EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING
i can speak to them like i can speak to no others.
they never judge me.
and they never look at me crooked.
A,B,L I can never lose contact with you guys.
I wanted to let you know that you guys are the world to me.
P&R i feel like this year i have grown extremly close to you guys.
I freakin love you!!!
i can be myself around you guys....my true self
not my im in school let me hide it kinda self.
i have a crazy amount of respect for you two.
You keep me on track =]
And there's so much more i can say that i wouldn't even know where to start writting!
but the 3 of us got the month of January on lock!!
Yeahh this is just my random vent.
because i felt like it =/
haha yeahh i know wtf? right.
i just felt like it, LOVE YOU GUYS MUCHO.
anywayss more notes in the future =]
btw if your not tagged in this note i still LOVE YOU!!
there's a handful more of people i couldve taged
but tagging them would be pointless in this note =]
but if i love you you know it =]
*BonKs
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